


love you like i'm reckless

by bapplejack



Series: you're a never ending song in my soul [3]
Category: Elyza Lex (Fanverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fluff, also because i'm writing this lots of swearing ofc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:03:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6640681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapplejack/pseuds/bapplejack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia and Elyza deserve to be cute children who are in love with each other without worrying about death and bullets. </p><p>a bunch of hsau!lexark fics that are in the same continuity but not necessarily in order because i just want to write self-indulgent fluff and hope everyone else melts with me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the way we stole each other's hearts we playin' stick 'em up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Alicia/Elyza's firsts. They talk about some deep shit and they're both falling hard and fast, but they don't mind.

The first time they see each other is at lunch on Elyza’s first day at school. She transferred over in the middle of the third quarter in their junior year, which was a strange time to transition, but she seemed pretty cool (if a little over-the-top sometimes) and was nice enough.

She shared a couple classes with Alicia’s friends, and they waved her over to sit on the picnic bench with them.

“Hey, Elyza! Over here!”

The brunette looked up from her phone to glance up at the mention of the new name. And she was _so glad_ she managed to keep her expression impassive because _Fuck??? She was so hot???_

Wasn’t it illegal to wear a leather jacket in real life and look good? Wasn’t it only characters on TV shows and movies and celebrities that could pull that shit off? And what was up with her walk? What was up with that _sexy sway?_ How was her lazy grin so effortlessly attractive?

And the black eye. She had never imagined a black eye would be one of the things that got her flustered and hot under the collar, but apparently this new girl was just _really_ good at doing that in general.

“This is Alicia. Her resting bitch face is A+, but don’t let that scare you. She’s just a fucking nerd.”

She didn’t even get a chance to tell her friend to fuck off before Elyza smiled and their eyes met directly. Already she was drowning in her pretty blue eyes.

“Hey, Alicia. Nice to meet you.”

 _Great._ She had a hot accent too.

 

* * *

 

The first time they talked one-on-one was when they realized they shared Spanish and History class. It was polite, boring-as-fuck small talk at first as they walked in-between and out of classes. They discussed their class schedules and which classmates were annoying and which ones were tolerable; Alicia appreciated Elyza’s goofy and at times crude sense of humor more and more with each conversation.

Look, people united over things they hated and maybe there was one kid in their year that was obnoxious as fuck, and she loved how the blonde talked shit.

Was she a little spiteful? _Maybe._ But she legitimately laughed when her new friend was venting with increasing exasperation, “I don’t understand how so much bullshit can fall out of someone’s mouth. It’s… listening to him talk is like a verbal car accident. It’s so fucking awful but you can’t _not_ listen. It’s like a trash compactor that’s overflowing and now there’s garbage everywhere. So now you gotta pick it up and stuff it back in. Which is why I don’t really get why I got in trouble when I tossed my scrapped notes at his face.”

“No you didn’t.” She grinned widely at Elyza. ~~No, her heart absolutely did not skip a beat every time she looked at her face. She did not think it was cute when she was bored in class and her eyes wandered around the classroom before eventually settling on doodling in her notebook. That big, cocky and sometimes silly grin did not spark anything in her at all. Nope.~~

“At first he just stared at me, and then he got so fucking mad, demanding why I did that.”

It was hard not to be energized and drawn in by Elyza’s easy-going confidence that she exuded. She was so open about who she was and it was refreshing. Relaxing. Alicia tried not to think about the anxious yearning that was beginning to take root in her heart. “You were an asshole, weren’t you?”

“Um. Have you met me? _Of course_ I was.”

~~Fuck. What was with that? The joking, self-assured lilt of her words. The way her she raised her brow exaggeratedly. And even if the bruise was fading, it was still hot? Also it brightened her blue eyes. Well. _Eye._~~

“Mmhmm.” Alicia needed a second to find her words, so that was all she had. She teasingly bumped into Elyza. “So what’d you say, Commander Shit-Stirrer?”

She laughed. “I looked at him, and then I looked at the trash can by the door, then back to him. And I just shrugged and said, ‘I needed to throw my papers away, and you were closer. My bad, do you not do recycling? I guess with all the garbage that comes out of your mouth, I shoulda figured. Garbage in, garbage out, right?’ I think the entire class went dead silent.”

“Oh my God.” Alicia couldn’t help the giggles that Elyza pulled out of her.

“Preeetty sure he was about to throw his table at me. Guess it’s a good thing the teacher stepped in and basically told us to shut the fuck up or we’d get sent _to the office_ ,” she emphasized the last bit and scoffed.

“I can’t believe you got out of that.”

“Pretty sure the teach was on my side, just couldn’t show it, y’know?” She grinned.

When their laughter calmed down, Alicia started with her own wide smile, “You seemed like one of those people that tries too hard to be edgy and rebellious and shit, but I’m glad that only seems to be _half_ true.”

“Whaaaat?” Elyza asked in mock-offense. “You can’t judge a book by its cover, dear Alicia.”

~~Oh. _Shit._ She definitely wanted to hear the blonde say her name more often.~~

“I can’t, huh?” She smirked. “So the leather jacket, the black eye, the aviators propped up on your head… You sure you’re not trying to give off a certain image here?”

“Look, you act like I ran my face into a doorknob to get a bruise. I’ll have you know, I _earned_ this fair and square.”

“Not helping your case here, Elyza.” Alicia backpedaled towards her designated locker. Their assignments were in completely different parts of the school, but they shared the same fourth block class, so when the bell rang they followed each other and simply stopped at the one closest, and then the second.

The challenge seemed to have inspired an eagerness in the blonde. ~~Ugh, why was her big grin so fucking cute?~~

“Okay, okay… If that’s how you wanna play. I bet I could nail you on my first try.”

The brunette couldn’t help the amused smirk and arched brow.

“... _Look_ , you know what I meant--but I mean, _yes_ , I could--” Elyza bust out laughing when Alicia shoved her none-too-gently. “Sorry, sorry… _As I was saying_ … You think you figured me out already, but I bet you’re not any less transparent than you think I am.”

“Be my guest,” Alicia invited as she opened her locker.

The blonde held her chin and hummed mock-thoughtfully as she overplayed the whole intellectual bit, acting as if she was about to engage in some scholarly discourse. The younger couldn’t help but roll her eyes good heartedly.

~~Seriously. Why was she so fucking adorable?~~

“I’ve seen your notes. They’re all organized and shit, but you don’t _dress_ like a nerd, so you try to keep that shit on the DL by acting all hip and snarky.”

Alicia laughed. “Did you say ‘hip’?”

Elyza ignored her and continued on. “But! You’re actually a huge fucking nerd. And I bet you listen to indie shit, but you have an undeniable fondness for Carly Rae Jepsen and Selena Gomez.”

“Are you projecting onto me?” she teased.

“Um. _No._ Because _everyone_ likes both of them on some level.”

“Oh, my bad.”

“Damn right your bad. _Anyway,_ as I was saying… Obviously you’re a real go-getter, you keep up your grades and your appearances, _and_ you got accepted to Berkeley where you are going to major in… Psychology? Minor in… uh… fuck. I dunno. English?”

Alicia closed the locker, her smirk still intact. “ _Oh,_ so close, Elyza.”

She waved her hand casually. “Whatever. I know I got almost all of that right.”

“I thought you were going to _nail_ me?”

“Are you coming onto me?” The blonde laughed as she walked away before Alicia could smack her for being an idiot.

~~A totally charming idiot.~~

“Okay, so what are you going to major in then? I need to know all the secrets you keep behind your aloof, stylish hipster mask.”

The brunette hummed, prolonging the moment to tease Elyza. “Why’s that?”

She shrugged, and Alicia was prepared for some dorky, sarcastic joke. Instead she got, “‘cause I like you, and I want to know more about who you are and the shit you like.”

When she scanned her expression, there was no mischievous glint in her bright eyes. All she saw was genuine sincerity. No smirk, no big goofy grin. No signs of joking pretense.

...Huh.

So on top of being sexy, adorkable, _and_ funny, Elyza was also sweet as fuck. She had the hard exterior, and the squishy insides. She was the whole package wrapped up in a leather jacket, and jeans that made her lower half look amazing. Also her hair was nice.

_I’m so fucked._

“Astrophysics. Not sure if I want a minor. Maybe in Math or CompSci,” Alicia shrugged.

“No shit? Wow. _Damn._ ”

“What?” The strong reaction was amusing, to say the least.

“No… nothing, that’s just so cool. God. I was right. You are a nerd.” Elyza grinned.

“Not what you expected underneath my stylish, hipster facade? Sorry to disappoint,” Alicia smiled wryly.

“I mean, from what little I knew about you, I had set some pretty high expectations, and you managed to blow ‘em all away. You’re pretty fuckin’ amazing.”

How did she say that shit so openly and not get embarrassed? Alicia was doing all she could not to blush right then and her brain stalled, effectively keeping her quiet.

“Though considering how great you are… it was probably written in the stars…”

She could definitely still groan though.

“I mean, I don’t know if I can look at you the same anymore, I’m--”

“ _No._ ” She glared at Elyza. “ _Don’t. Stop._ ”

Not that it mattered. Her shit-eating grin didn’t even falter. “--gonna have stars in my eyes.”

As much as she _acted_ exasperated and Completely Done, Alicia was endeared by the dork’s lame jokes, bright smiles and exuberant confidence. She held onto every word she spoke and subconsciously tucked away each of her expressions.

Yep. She was fucked.

This was only day three.

 

* * *

 

The first time they go on a date is a few weeks later ~~yeah, they didn’t last very long, and even then it had still been too long~~ when Elyza asked Alicia out to a party. She had to do it twice, because the first time hadn’t exactly gone according to plan.

It was about as awkward as it sounded.

It was during their Spanish 3 class, where they sat two rows away from each other. While the teacher was giving a lecture on grammar, a handful of students were following along attentively, while the others were spacing out, tuning in and out every few moments. Alicia was only half-listening as she filled out the worksheet they’d been given for homework. If she got this done before class ended, she could worry about her English paper instead…

“If you’re wanting to throw away your paper, the trash can is on the _other_ side of the room, Elyza.” Their teacher had stopped in the middle of her lecture to reprimand the now sheepish blonde, whose arm looked to be in mid-throw and aimed towards Alicia’s side of the room. In her hand was a folded up piece of loose leaf paper, which the teacher plucked away.

The class’s attention was focused on their exchange, and even Alicia looked over with a small grin. The two made brief eye contact and they silently communicated to each other:

_Good job, dork._

_Oops?_

“Sorry. I have bad aim? I did get denied from the basketball team.” There were meek, scattered giggles throughout the classroom.

“That was probably for the best,” the older woman smiled wryly. “Is this something I’ll have to share with the rest of the class?” She unfolded it and quickly scanned the message, her lips growing into a wider smile with amusement in her eyes. “I’ll give you an A for the proper grammar and spelling, but unfortunately I’m not free tonight,” she teased and turned back to head towards the front of the room, ripping up the note along the way.

“Oh, that’s too bad. Maybe another night then?” Even if Elyza was being snarky as always, Alicia could see the relief in her relaxed exhale when her message hadn’t been exposed.

The class was riled up for the next few moments, with the more rambunctious kids eager for the break and distraction and calling out to prolong it.

“Read it!”

“What’d it say?”

“Were you asking someone out?” A girl laughed.

The brunette hid her grin behind her fist. Elyza looked a little antsy as she tried to deflect the attention and shrug off their questions.

_Dork._

After the bell rang, the blonde immediately caught up to Alicia as she walked with her to her next class. (One of the boys in their class hollered from down the hallway, “Yeah, get it Lex!” and she immediately responded with a cheery, “Fuck you!”)

“What _did_ you write?” The younger girl looked over with an amused smirk.

“Uhhh… I thought it’d be cute… to ask if you wanted to go to a party with me tonight… in Spanish…” She rubbed the back of her neck, looking the most shy Alicia had _ever_ seen her in the past three weeks. Which was kind of _astounding._ ~~She’d learn later that it was as difficult as she thought to get Elyza flustered, but the best way to do so was through overly sincere romantic gestures. Shit was adorable.~~

“Wait, what?” she laughed. She didn’t mean it maliciously, it was just… “Why?”

“Why’d I ask you out?” Elyza asked with wide eyes and panic seeping into her words.

“No-- _no._ I. Sorry. Yes, I’ll go with you.” She smiled. “But why in Spanish?”

“We were in Spanish class. Also if someone else saw the note, chances are they wouldn’t be able to read it, since almost everyone else in the class is scraping by with a C just to get their language credit,” she grinned.

“You were just lucky enough it was the teacher that intercepted your message.”

“Yeah… Look, I never claimed it was a _perfect_ plan.” Elyza bumped her lightly from the side. “But…” She stopped with her at the lockers. “Yes? You’ll come with me tonight?”

Her blue eyes lit up with hope and joy, and Alicia knew hers were doing the same thing, even as she tried to fight back her growing smile.

“Yes. Or do you want me to respond in Spanish?”

She chuckled. “No, I think I got it.”

For a moment, the two girls simply smiled at each other, soaking in the other’s presence.

“...Don’t _you_ have a C in Spanish?”

“Hey, I _actually_ just need the credit, _señorita.”_

“You’re a dork,” Alicia laughed, reaching over to shove her lightly in the shoulder, but never pulling away.

“But in a good way?” Elyza asked tentatively, reaching over and wrapping her fingers gently around her hand. Shyly, she kissed her fingers, and she bashfully half-smiled at the brunette.

Seeing how soft the lively blonde could be melted Alicia’s heart, and she couldn’t help her own small smile.

“The best way.”

 

* * *

 

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Hm?” Elyza shifted the car into park and turned her complete attention towards Alicia. Instead of picking her up before the party, they’d simply spent the next few hours after school together at the blonde’s house.

_It was difficult to not talk to each other, but the other girl was diligent and consistent in turning her attention back to her homework._

_Which was fine, because the older was more than happy to watch her as she worked. She crossed her arms on the table and rested atop them, taking in every nuance and absolutely living because of how unintentionally expressive Alicia’s face was. It was adorable how she scrunched up her nose and screwed up her mouth when she had to pause and think on a particularly difficult problem. When she mulled over her thoughts for a prolonged period of time, she’d tap the pen against her head lightly while she worried her bottom lip. Sometimes she just closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, before continuing to work._

_Alicia didn’t seem to mind Elyza gazing at her with adoration. She’d brought it up once, mostly out of curiosity._

_“You’re not bored watching me do homework?” Her focused green eyes still moved across the page, but her wry smile was for the blonde._

_“My favorite hobby is watching paint dry and grass grow. You are infinitely more interesting than either of those things. I think watching you do math homework is my new favorite pastime.”_

_Her eyes and her writing stopped for the briefest of moments, but Elyza noticed. She noticed the way she tried to bite back her grin, and even though she was still skimming the page, the focus wasn’t there anymore._

_“Do you practice that?” Alicia put down her pencil and looked up._

_“Practice what?”_

_“Just… the way you so effortlessly make flirty jokes. Do you have lines you rehearse?” she teased._

_“Maybe the lines just come to me easily because you’re so inspirational.” She grinned cheekily._

_The brunette rolled her eyes and continued to work, but there was a smile that never quite left her lips after that._

“I just want to hang out with you. So if this party’s lame… let’s just take the date somewhere else, okay? Instead of cutting it early.”

Elyza hadn’t quite expected the straightforwardness of her statement and was caught off-guard. Especially by the admission that she _just wanted to be with her._

Love and adoration had been spinning out of control inside the blonde all day, and she didn’t think it was possible to be any happier, and yet Alicia managed to send her higher with a simple statement.

_She’s so amazing._

“Uh. Yeah. Of course,” she smiled confidently. ~~She hoped it was confident, anyway.~~ “Um. Hey...”

The brunette looked over, raising her brow in curiosity.

“I really want to be with you, too.”

Elyza couldn’t believe her words were what pulled that small, but beaming smile out of Alicia.

The party wasn’t _lame_ per se, it was just difficult to talk to each other with a mob of rowdy teenagers dancing to the pounding music that overlapped all the conversations being carried throughout the house.

They _tried_ to dance, and of course Alicia rolled her eyes when Elyza tugged her over towards the designated dance floor with a playful smirk. Even without their natural inclination to be near each other, ~~because let’s face it, there was maybekindofsortof some lusting going on. ...maybe~~ the small space forced them to be as close as possible.

Elyza laughed at the sudden intimacy, especially when the younger smirked and raised a brow at her. As they began to bounce and rock side-to-side to the remixed pop music, Alicia craned her head so her lips were by the blonde’s ear.

“Convenient, huh?”

She could barely hear the words over all the noise, but it didn’t matter. She could pick out her voice anywhere.

“You say that like I have ulterior motives.”

“What, you don’t?”

There was a mischievous shine to her eyes, and even in the dim lighting--or maybe _because of them_ \--her deep green irises stood out so clearly. For the briefest of moments, Elyza forgot to breathe. She wasn’t sure how to describe the way Alicia’s teasing smirk affected her, emotionally anyway. Physically, it was easy. Her heart was beating quicker and there was a nervous, yet elated churning in her stomach.

But putting her _feelings_ into verbage seemed impossible, because none of the words she knew really expressed her vast array of emotions. ~~Maybe she needed to consult a thesaurus later.~~

Whatever, _look_ \--simply put, she didn’t know how the brunette managed to be sexy, beautiful and adorable all at the same time with a cocky tilt of her lips.

It made Elyza want to abruptly steer her to the nearest wall and pin her roughly against it as she kissed her, hoping that it even kind of expressed her outpouring affection and desire. It made her want to take her hands and squeeze them, kissing her gently and nervously like a twelve year-old who had no idea what she was doing. It made her want to just press their foreheads together and smile at her, gazing into her eyes with boundless adoration.

She wanted all those things and more.

This was uncharted territory, and that was exciting and nerve wracking at the same time, because she was used to flings. Just flings. ~~At least when they eventually get to the point of doing the fuckity, Elyza would be able to show Alicia a _great_ time.~~

Right. Ulterior motives. Playful flirting. ~~Please don’t respond with, ‘Is wanting to marry you an ulterior motive?’ _Don’t._~~

 ~~~~Okay. You got this, Elyza.

She wrapped a light arm around Alicia’s waist, her hand maybe-accidentally sliding under the hem of her shirt ever-so-slightly so her fingers could press teasingly against her skin. She pulled her even closer so their bodies weren’t just hovering with barely any space between them, they were fully pressed together.

Elyza was kind of regretting the bold move though, as her heart was in her throat and she was getting shy. At least Alicia couldn’t see her face since she was speaking into her ear. Hopefully she could get the next words out without stuttering.

“Of course not. Unless… Is it a secret I’ve fallen for you and think about you all day? That I want to spend all my time with you, even if it’s just to watch you do homework?”

_Mental self-five._ ~~Okay, that wasn’t playful flirting as much as it was a confession. Whatever. Details, details.~~

Alicia stayed silent, and Elyza didn’t have the courage to pull away and see her expression just yet. Besides, she enjoyed their closeness even as her thumb nervously traced circles into her skin and she eagerly filled the silence with words that spilled out flusteredly.

“I didn’t think it was a secret. I thought I was being embarrassingly obvious... Usually you’re pretty quick on the uptake, Alicia. I expected better,” she teased, daring to press her face into her ~~soft, nice smelling~~ hair and squeezed her hand gently to assure the other girl she was just being a dick, and _didn’t mean that!_ She did _not_ want to sabotage her chances here.

Finally, Alicia spoke up. Her words were soft, and lacked that sarcastic, deadpan tone, “And here I was, thinking you only took me to the party to sleep with me so you could get my Chemistry notes.”

Oh, _nevermind._ Elyza knew that the other girl was great at a lot of things, but she was always amazed at all the different ways Alicia delivered sarcastic quips.

“Dang. Y’got me. I _was_ just going to ask you for them, but I figured the lay was an added bonus for both of us. By the way, I need History notes, not Chemistry. Shit’s got math in it, and your tabbed and color-coded notes aren’t gonna save me.”

The blonde was surprised when Alicia’s arms wrapped around her waist and she rested her face against her shoulder.

We’re talking shocked into silence surprised. Kind of wondering if this was a dream surprised. No, really was this some kind of lucid dream? surprised.

_My day ~~gay~~ dreaming has gotten too next-level. This is too much power. No one should be able to make delusions this real._

At this point they had stopped moving altogether and were just standing there as people danced around them.

As previously stated: _tried_ to dance.

“Anyone can be good at math. You just need to practice it. I could always tutor you?” Elyza wasn’t sure if Alicia was just joking, or if she was being serious--she was still talking in that gentle tone that completely disarmed and confused her.

She swallowed nervously. Her mind ran over possible responses and their consequences, and in her silence, her hands simply gave her a soft squeeze.

_Say yes? No, fuck that. She’s nice enough that she’d do it, and that would be boring as shit. Well, it’d be with Alicia--no, wait. That’d make it worse. I wouldn’t pay any fucking attention because I’d be too busy trying to kiss her._

_No, don’t get soft!! Say something joking. Teasing. Kind of douche-y, but not **too** douche-y. Like. ...Shit, I’m drawing a blank. **Fuck.**_

_Stop, wait. Don’t do that. That’d ruin the moment. Just. **Please say something.** _

Elyza was growing more anxious by the split second, very aware of the metaphorical quicksand she was in. She knew the longer the silence drew on, the harder it’d be to not look like a jackass who was choking.

Alicia’s deep breaths and sighs tickled and warmed the crook of her neck and shoulder, and she was melting in her comforting embrace. It should’ve felt more awkward that they were standing in the middle of the dance floor doing fuck all, but her poor gay heart was rolling around crying from joy and happiness. Most of her brain was frying, but that _one corner of her mind_ was saying something along the lines of, _‘Wow. This is how bad you get when all she’s doing is hugging you, fully clothed? The sex is gonna be **great.** ’_

“...It’s hot,” she finally croaked lamely. _Awesome. So quick on your feet. Dumbass._ “Can we go outside?”

Alicia murmured a soft ~~and adorable holy shit so fucking cute how why fuck~~ noise of agreement, but didn’t move and simply nuzzled Elyza deeper.

Great. The responsibility was up to her to gather and organize her thoughts enough that she could coordinate them out the door successfully.

This was doomed for failure.

Elyza inhaled shakily. _Okay. You got this._ Reluctantly, she pulled her hands away, ~~because she was warm and cuddly and maybe she was a big romantic sap~~ and as she did so and stepped back slightly, Alicia followed suit.

Another beat of hesitation.

She pointedly looked away as she slid her hand into her date’s and began to tug her towards the door. It definitely wasn’t because she was nervous…!

...No, yeah that was an absolute lie. Elyza was afraid to meet Alicia’s eyes, because she wasn’t sure what to expect. Would she see the cool, amused glances she was used to? Or something warmer and softer like what she’d just experienced?

Either way, she was fucked. Especially when Alicia squeezed her hand.

As soon as the front door closed behind them, she took a deep breath and eagerly welcomed the crisp air against her skin. It helped that now they were out of the house, the intense, booming music was muffled and no longer distracting her already flustered thinking sponge.

A weight pressed into her side _~~don’t think about her chest pushing against your arm, don’t think-- **ahhh, fuck**~~ _ and her nose and lips tickled the side of her neck as her chin rested against her shoulder. “You okay?” Worry tinged her soft words.

Elyza tried to contain her shivers.

“Y-yeah. The party was kind of a stupid idea. Sorry.”

“Dork.”

She pouted. “What?”

“Your idea was fine. S’just turns out you’re not in a partying mood.”

“Are you?”

Alicia’s shoulders brushed against her as she shrugged. “I told you. I wanted to hang out.”

“Got a place in mind?”

“You don’t have a backup plan?” Even if Elyza wasn’t looking at her, she heard the amused lilt in her voice and couldn’t help smiling herself.

“I came up with the first place. You suggest one now.”

An unexpected poke in her side caused her to yelp and shrink away just as Alicia started pulling her along, a wide grin on her face.

“Don’t be a dick,” Elyza half-whined, willingly letting herself be dragged along.

“It’s cute that you’re ticklish. To everyone else you’re all charming and confident, but it’s like I can push a secret button and it all drops away. No one knows that under that leather jacket you’re all squishy and soft-hearted.” They walked across the lawn and down the driveway before Alicia tugged her down onto the sidewalk.

Elyza frowned and scrunched up her face.

...She was totally right.

She rubbed the back of her neck. “You figured out my evil machinations; I lure unsuspecting girls like you with my swag and disappoint them with overly gushy gestures and feelings.”

“I’m glad you’re not completely blowing off your vocab quizzes in English,” Alicia teased. “Well, what happens if they aren’t disappointed?”

Elyza blinked. She _had_ wanted to make a joke that, yes she wasn’t blowing off her vocab quizzes and she got full marks for using swag correctly in a sentence, but choked and missed the moment. _Goddamn it._

Now that they were simply sitting and enjoying each other’s company, time slowed down; she could finally take a breath and gather the courage to read Alicia’s expression.

Her calming green eyes were gazing upwards and her smile was relaxed. In the silence the pounding in Elyza’s chest reverberated throughout her body and was especially loud in her ears. When she’d realized she’d never seen the younger girl like this, she revelled privately and vowed to immortalize this moment forever in her overly eager and mushy gay heart.

“Um. ...I feel like you know the answer.”

“Smart.”

“Well, you usually know the answer for everything,” she murmured softly, afraid to break the tranquility in this surreal, impossible moment. This was one of those memories that was tucked away forever and years from then she’d still be able to recall the little details like how the soft breeze smelled subtly smoky, or the grainy texture of the concrete pressed into her palms.

But the details Elyza wanted to remember all involved Alicia. The bit of hair that partially covered her face. The way they were sitting so close their arms were pushed up tightly against the other. How she occasionally licked her lips, though she wasn’t sure if it was out of nervousness or what.

“Nah.”

“Oh?” Elyza raised her brow appraisingly.

“Mmhmm.”

“What kind of amazingly, non-existent question could stump the brilliant Alicia Clark?”

She grinned, looking away from the sky and towards her companion; Elyza would swear she saw stars lighting up her eyes.

“How come you asked me out?”

_...Oh._

Her face warmed, and she swallowed thickly. Several seconds passed as she gathered her thoughts.

Elyza stared off to the side at the asphalt road when she began to speak, “I. I mean. For starters, you’re pretty. Well--not. That’s not the best word. It. It doesn’t… it’s not a strong enough word,” she rambled, her words fluctuating in volume based on how much confidence she had in them. Her fingers anxiously picked up a small rock underneath her hand and began to fiddle with it. “You’re funny and easy to talk to. You’re smart--n-not that I… I mean it’s not like _I’m_ really smart so it’s not like I base who I go out with on that… But. You know, not like _book_ smart--which, I mean of course you are, but I just mean you don’t say stupid shit…” She trailed off, her stomach dropping at how _awful all of that was_.

She was such a mess.

“I. I enjoy spending time with you. And I want to spend more time with you and get to know you more. And you know, maybe I kindofsortof want to kiss you one day if that’s okay--”

Slender fingers reached out and pressed into her cheek, guiding her gaze towards Alicia. She knew her own eyes were wide, and maybe a little panicked, but she had no time to properly respond. In the split second she saw her face, Elyza only registered the deep ~~pretty so beautiful like light shining through leaves oh shit that was pretty good that was going into her poem assignment~~ green of her eyes before the distance between them closed.

Considering how outgoing and self-assured Elyza was, it wasn’t surprising she was always the one to initiate the first kiss in previous romantic/sexual exploits.

This was the first time she hadn’t, and she knew this girl would be different than the rest.

Then again, she’d known from the beginning that Alicia was special.

 

* * *

 

“Hey,” the brunette spoke up softly.

“Hm?”

Right then they were sitting on a grass hill at a nearby park.

...That they may or may not have snuck into after hours.

It’s not like they were _doing_ _anything weird._ ~~Not yet anyway. One day. Maybe. Oh shit, that’d be totally romantic to fuck at the spot they had their first date, right? Definitely keeping that in mind for later.~~

Luckily, Elyza kept an Emergency ~~Fuck~~ Kit™ in the back with several fleece blankets they could lay down.

Alicia was resting against her, content with their cozy embrace. “You ever think about how big space is?”

“Mmm. Is it pretty fuckin’ big?” She pressed her face into her soft hair, breathing deeply. Her scent was soft with a bit of sweetness and slightly flowery, though Elyza was pretty sure that whatever she smelled like it’d be nice. ~~Was that a creepy thing to think? It was okay since they were dating, right? Or. On a date. Fuck. How many first date rules had she broken?~~

“Yeah, you could say that” there was a gentle amusement to her words. “To scale it down in a way that makes it easier to comprehend, imagine if the Sun was a penny.”

“Pretty fuckin’ small,” she murmured absentmindedly. She was mostly responding so that Alicia knew she was listening, and maybe because it helped her keep focused; she could absolutely fall asleep against her warmth right then.

“Yup.” Even in that single syllable, Elyza could pick up the underlying excitement that she was trying to hide. _What an adorable nerd._ “You know how wide our galaxy would be?”

“Mmm?” Her arm was around Alicia’s shoulder, and one of the brunette’s hands were brushing against her fingers. Their other hands were wrapped together, and the blonde squeezed her. Still paying attention, promise!

“Over seven million miles.”

“Oh, shit. That’s. Kind of a big number?”

“Well, for comparison the actual Earth is about twenty five thousand miles around.”

“‘licia, please. I am barely passing my Algebra 2 class.” Elyza looked up and furrowed her brow, her brain rolling around in pain as it tried to process the huge numbers.

She laughed. “I’m not asking you to solve anything.” Alicia tilted her head towards her.

Out of the two new faces Elyza had seen tonight, she wasn’t sure if she liked the soft, relaxed Alicia, or the subtly bubbling with passion and enthusiasm Alicia.

_How could she choose?_

Fuck it, she picked both. They were both good.

“Okay, okay. If the Earth was the size of a grape, then the Sun would be a ball about four feet around.”

“I’m followin’ you so far.” Her arm drifted towards her waist, where she could more easily link her hand with Alicia’s.

“And it’d be a little less than five hundred feet away. So like… down by the path.”

“Okay, that’s something that won’t fry my feeble brain.”

Alicia’s grin grew wider, and she affectionately nuzzled Elyza’s cheek, who in turn pecked her nose. “So the nearest star to us is--well, it’s part of a system of three stars, but it’s a little different because of--whatever, nevermind. It’s not important.”

“You’re adorable,” she murmured, her lips pressed against her cheek.

The brunette stopped her rambling briefly to lightly kiss her, softly sucking Elyza’s bottom lip as she pulled away too soon. The blonde yearned for more and chased after her touch, eagerly reconnecting with her. They were still a little shy and moved slowly; their kisses were meek nibbles and the tip of their tongues were just slightly brushing past their lips.

Elyza’s hands moved upwards to cup her face softly. She was breathless, but even then she leaned further into Alicia and deepened the kiss as if the girl was air. Not something she craved, but something she _needed_.

Just a moment later, the brunette pulled away to breathe and turned her cheek towards Elyza when she moved in for more. Not discouraged by the development, she was happy enough to continue sucking on her skin, trailing a line of affection down her jaw.

“Do you want me to stop?” Alicia’s words were quiet, and a little _too_ soft.

_Ah, shit. Don’t be a dick._

“Nonono. Keep going. Sorry. I’m listening, I promise,” she whispered breathily.

She arched a brow at her, unconvinced.

“Really. Please. I’m interested. I just. Your lips are distracting. I’d look at your eyes, but they are also distracting.”

“Mmhmm.”

Elyza turned slightly to wrap both her arms around Alicia. “I care about what you care about. I’m just kind of dumb, so it’ll take me a bit to understand.”

“You’re not dumb, stupid,” she murmured warmly. Her face pressed into older girl’s hair as she returned the hug and nuzzled into her affectionately.

“Okay, so,” she continued, the soft excitement returning to her words. “If the Earth was the size of a grape, the closest star would be around twenty four thousand miles away.”

“Which is almost how long the Earth is around?”

“So you _were_ paying attention,” the words were teasing, but there was a sincere joy to her tone.

“Of course.” Elyza sighed, completely content with their arrangement right then, especially since Alicia was pressing light kisses into her hair. “What I’m getting from this is that space is really fuckhuge. That’s just how far another star would be, right? That’s like… still in our galaxy? So what about another galaxy?”

“Trillion miles.”

“ _Holy fuck._ And this shit is grape sized?”

“If the Earth was the size of a grape, yeah.”

“Goddamn.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And that’s like. Not even the universe, right?”

“Nope. That’s waaaaaay bigger.”

“That’s pretty fuckin’ cool. But I’m not gonna lie, shit’s kind of freaking me out.” Elyza breathed in deeply, her hands unknowingly holding onto Alicia more tightly.

“You know what’s even better though? That’s just our universe. There could be other ones out there.”

“But. ...Fuck. What?” Her brain was probably going to collapse in on itself at this rate, but it was worth it to keep going. Alicia’s voice and hearing her excitement and indulging her was a huge perk, but she would’ve never stumbled on this crazy science shit on her own. It was like watching documentaries on Netflix, which were entertaining _and_ interesting, except she absolutely preferred her date as the narrator.

“Okay, so it’s gonna sound crazy and weird, but there’s this idea there isn’t just one universe. Kind of like in comic books and stuff, but you know, in real life. There’s lots of theories about how that’s possible. But for example, one of them says if the universe is infinite and goes on forever, but the stuff inside isn’t, then there’s only so many different ways things can be arranged, right?”

Elyza figured Alicia was simplifying the explanation as much as possible, but if she could barely understand _this_ , she couldn’t imagine the actual science and math shit that people did to work it all out.

_God. And Alicia’s going to college for this._

“So… eventually things will repeat. Eventually things will arrange in the way that made us, or the Earth or all of this,” she gestured vaguely. “And if the universe goes on infinitely, then there’s an infinite amount of versions of us.”

Really, she tried to respond. Unfortunately all she could manage was a blank stare.

“I mean, that’s just one idea though. But considering how big our universe is, and how small we are… does it seem that weird or unlikely?”

“This is kind of heavy for a first date conversation,” Elyza joked when she finally managed to make sounds with her face again. “Do you casually think about alternate universes and the fabric of our existence daily? You know, while brushing your teeth, making the bed, eating Cheerios…”

Alicia grinned, pressing another reassuring kiss into her hair. “Sometimes. But isn’t it cool to think about? There could be different versions of our world, and different versions of us…”

“Hmm. Think we know each other in those other universes?”

“Maybe. No one can say otherwise, though.”

“I hope so. It’s kind of upsetting to think that there’s a version of me missing out on the awesomeness of you. A version of you. Whatever.” Elyza wasn’t going to keep track of all the logistics of parallel realities or alternate existences when she couldn’t even keep other shit in _this_ universe straight. ~~Like herself.~~ She mismatches her socks at least once a week and tried to eat spaghetti with a spoon last night.

The younger girl pulled away, her grin only getting wider. “So you’re saying you want every version of you to date every version of me?”

“Yeah, is there anyone better? Why, is there a version of you that’s too good for me?” Elyza returned the dorky smile. “I’m persistent, you know. I’m sure any version of me is. And any version of you is gonna be totally smitten. I mean, can you blame ‘em?”

“Hmmm…” Alicia pretended to ponder on it. “You are pretty charming, even if you can be annoying… But I guess your good looks make up for it.”

“Damn right they do.” She mock-beamed proudly.

They laughed, their spirits filled with a lightness that uplifted them. It was the kind of laughter that bubbled up uncontrollably and made it hard to breathe. The kind that had them leaning heavily against the other for support, and tears were rolling out the corners of their eyes.

Their hold on each other was tighter than ever, and neither of them wanted to let go.

Alicia was the first to break out of the giggles as she sucked in deep breaths. “What were you saying about heavy first date conversations before you brought up the topic of soulmates?”

Elyza smiled sheepishly, even if she knew from her dancing green eyes she wasn’t upset. Even so, her words were meek and bashful, “Did I freak you out?”

“Surprisingly? No. I think it’s actually really sweet and adorable that you thought of it.” Her smile softened. “If anyone else had said it though, I’d be worried my body would be under the hill by sunrise. So maybe you’re onto something with this soulmate thing.”

She couldn’t tell exactly in the dark, but was she _blushing?_

_Oh my God. She’s so cute._

Not that Elyza was faring any better after her words. “Maybe _I_ should be the one worried about being murdered… Ah--don’t hit me, I’m kidding!” She squeezed Alicia tightly so she couldn’t use her arms. ~~But mostly because she liked hugging her.~~

The brunette sighed over exaggeratedly, but her chuckles gave her away.

“Hey, ‘licia?”

“Hmm?”

“If you could date another version of me, would you do it?”

Alicia smiled wryly. “Why, are you getting jealous of yourself?”

“No…” A pause. “...Maybe…”

“You’re such a dork,” she laughed. “No, I don’t want to get used to another you. I’ve spent so much time getting to know this one, and I’m getting pretty attached.” She rested her arms atop Elyza’s shoulders, and the blonde couldn’t help but wonder if she was _killing her on purpose._

Did she not know what she was doing to her with that adoring expression and dancing mirth in her eyes? How could she say those things so lightly, and yet with complete sincerity?

“O-oh yeah?” she croaked pathetically.

“Mmhmm. Besides, you’re cute and I’m pretty sure there’s no way any other reality could make you any cuter.” Alicia nuzzled her cheek.

“Cute?? No, I am vicious. Like a. A hippo. Or a badger.”

“The fact that those two animals are the ones you picked out first proves my point.”

“Okay, just so you know, hippos and badgers are bloodthirsty assholes.”

“You’re more like… a puppy. Or a hedgehog. Or like, a panda bear.” The brunette continued to shower Elyza with tender affection, pressing kisses to her cheek, or ghosting her lips against her skin.

“Um. Are you trying to imply something about the quality of my sex life?” she joked softly.

The blonde’s heart sped up when she felt her lips curve against her cheek. “I’m sure your sex life is very active and healthy, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, don’t even doubt it for a second.” Even if their words were as teasing as any other conversation they’d had, the edge to the playfulness was dulled in the quiet of the night.

Neither of them kept track of time. Neither of them wanted to think about anything else besides the girl in their arms. Moments like these were few and far between; they completely submersed themselves into the cozy serenity that’d enveloped them.

Elyza was aware of every breath Alicia took. She listened for every soft murmur. Her fingers slowly traced along her body and arms and she held her tightly to keep her warm. They pressed gentle kisses into the other’s skin, and she shivered when the younger girl slipped her hand under the collar of her shirt and her fingers brushed against her back.

For the first time Elyza wasn’t in a rush to explore every inch of a girl, eager to skip all the pretenses of romance that used to bore her.

For the first time, she knew this was something she would hold onto.

She didn’t think she’d ever be stupid enough to let go of Alicia.

~~She hoped every other version of her wasn’t stupid enough either.~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow what a bittersweet ending line.
> 
> the astrophysicist h/c is adapted from a post on tumblr abt alicia being an astronomy major so credit to whoever that was!  
> my h/c is that alicia can speak fluent spanish and b/c why the fuck not, so can elyza.
> 
> googling theoretical astrophysics at 2 am gets pretty crazy
> 
> I LOVE THESE CUTE DORKS


	2. i said i know you love me, i am loving you more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia gets grounded and it's up to Elyza to cheer her up. (Spoiler alert: she does.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is an edited version of the first lexark drabble i posted on tumblr. the beginning bit is the same, but the rest of it is different. this takes place 3-4 mos into their senior year, so they've been dating 6-7mos?? i think??

“Are you serious?”

“You can’t just _skip classes_ whenever you want, are you trying to get suspen--”

“Do you _really_ think I’m that stupid--”

“This isn’t up for discussion. One week. You go to school, and you come back home. I better not hear about you skipping classes unless you want to make it two weeks and no phone.”

Alicia stared at her mother with complete disbelief. She clenched her jaw in a physical attempt to hold back the barrage of scathing comments that were on the tip of her tongue.

“Understand?”

She didn’t say anything as she walked into her room and slammed the door shut, twisting the lock in the knob.

“ _Alicia?”_

“Still here. M'not wandering the streets drugged up and making terrible decisions yet,” she responded bitterly. She half-wondered if she heard her mom sigh in exasperation before wandering off, but it didn’t matter in the end as she sulked over to her bed and flopped onto it.

Already her phone is out and she’s sending a text to her girlfriend.

**Elyza**

grounded<<

>>shit

>>sorry

>>you want me to come over?

Upon reading the message, some of the weight on her heart had lifted. How did Elyza know all the right things to say? In that black leather jacket, she looked all rebellious and badass, but Alicia was pretty glad she got to know the fluffy core that made up her girlfriend.

yes<<

>>brt

Alicia sighed and rolled over, setting her phone on the nightstand before heading to the window and unlocking it. While she waited, she simply laid on her bed, eyes closed as she simmered in her annoyance. She didn’t stir when the window clicked and slid open. Even as the presence stepped closer and closer, she fought to keep her expression solemn, but ultimately failed when she broke out in a big smile and her eyes fluttered open.

Everything about the other young woman--the golden hair, the mischievous glint in her blue eyes, the wide grin... it was the only thing that could settle the turbulence inside of her.

~~It didn’t help that even if she was dressed in a pullover hoodie and pajama pants, she still managed to look hot as fuck.~~

“You know, _most_ people wouldn’t want to piss off their parents more by inviting over their girlfriend.”

Alicia shrugged, sliding over on the bed to make room. “I’m not most people. Isn’t that why you’re dating me?” A small smirk curled on her lips as she turned to face Elyza, and the two rested their foreheads against the other.

Their breaths synced up, and the heat of her anger lessened with each exhale. She relaxed, closing her eyes momentarily to enjoy the comforting, warm air tickling her skin.

“I thought you knew I’m dating you because you’re a hot piece of ass?”

The brunette laughed and pulled away, lightly shoving her.

“Aww, come here.” She leaned closer and wrapped her arms around Alicia, practically squishing her as she rested her face against her shoulder. She reached for her hand and squeezed it. For a few moments, they relished in the calming silence, until Elyza asked softly, “You okay?”

She sighed and half-shrugged. “Yeah. Annoyed, but what’s new,” she mumbled. “Thanks for coming.” Alicia sat up, and Elyza followed after. They shifted slightly so the blonde was holding her from behind, her body and sleeves pleasantly warming the lower parts of her arms that weren’t covered by her short sleeves.

“Of course,” Elyza murmured softly and pecked her reassuringly on the cheek. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Mmm. Same shit, different day. Mom grounded me for skipping. I don’t know how she even found out,” Alicia groaned quietly and leaned back against the blonde. “I hope she isn’t listening against the door, ready to kick it down.”

“I hope so too.” She could hear the amusement in her words. “I don’t think she likes me, so that wouldn’t help either of us.”

“Why do you think she doesn’t like you?” She tilted her head slightly to peck her nose. The brunette yearned for more intense physical affection, but was unwilling to break their embrace just yet. It was cozy.

“Oh, I don’t know, any time I pass by her in the hallways I smile, and so does she but I swear if she had laser vision she would use it on me. That’s what her eyes say.”

Alicia bit her lip to stifle her laughter. “That’s just you being paranoid.”

“Remember that time you got in trouble ‘cause we were smoking with our friends?”

“Please don’t remind me.” She hid her face in the crook of Elyza’s neck.

“For like… _a week_ , I was afraid she’d shank me in the band hallway after school.”

Alicia scrunched up her face and looked up. “I told her it wasn’t your idea. Was she giving you a hard time? Why didn’t you tell me?”

The blonde shrugged lightly. “She didn’t really give me a hard time… It was more like… She uh… offered me a really great deal I couldn’t refuse. The deal was if I kept getting you into shit, I would find a permanent home under the ground where no one would ever find me.”

“You’re joking, right?” There was an edge to her words.

“It’s fine, babe--” And of course Elyza picked up on that and immediately worked on damage control. “--It was like, two months ago,” her tone was soothing and gentle, but Alicia wasn’t ready to let this go quite yet.

“It’s not even illegal!?” _Sort of._ But it’s not like they had gotten it from a shady dealer.

“Shhh, it’s okay…” Her arms squeezed tighter around her, and the blonde rocked them back and forth slightly. “I don’t want you to get in trouble,” she whispered.

Alicia let out a drawn out sigh. “You don’t get me into any shit.” She twisted around to wrap her arms around Elyza’s shoulders and trailed her lips against her neck.

“Okay, but you can’t blame her for thinking that, can you?”

“Yes I can.”

“You _do_ remember I transferred last year because I got into a fight and pissed off so many people the best option was to just move schools, right?” The blonde rested her face atop her head.

“That was one time.”

“And then two months after that I got into a fight at this school?”

“ _That_ wasn’t your fault.” Alicia pulled away to frown at Elyza. “I _told_ her the dinner was a bad idea, it was going to be awkward for _all_ of us, and it just proved my point that she’s not being fair to you and--”

“Babe, it’s okay, seriously.” Her lips quirked into a half-smile. “She’s your mom, she’s just watching out for you. Not saying you have to agree with it or that you can’t be pissed off. But I’m not upset about it, I promise. ‘sides, I’m here for _you_.” She tilted Alicia’s head slightly so their eyes met. “Don’t worry about me.”

...Okay, _that_ fucking did it.

The small gap between them closed instantly. Their lips met softly at first, but they’d gotten past the shyness of their first date _months_ ago, and it didn’t take long before they pressed deeper. Alicia leaned Elyza back to rest against the headboard. One hand was cradling her cheek, while the other slid into the opening of her hoodie and her fingers slinked down the back.

Eagerly she pushed, barely allowing Elyza to get in her quick, shallow breaths. When the other girl pushed back, Alicia pulled away ever so slightly to tease her, and with each pleased and yearning murmur she managed to pull out of her girlfriend, her heart raced faster and faster.

“Waitwaitwai-- _ohfuckthatfeelsnice--_ no, wait, babe, stop a sec…” Her words trailed off breathily.

“Mmm?” She pulled away from her mouth but continued to trace kisses against her skin. Her one hand lightly scratched circles into her back, while her other arm was wrapped around her torso.

“We shouldn’t get too far… It’s one thing if your mom kicks down the door and we’re just chillin’, it’s another thing if she kicks down the door and we’re uh. Netflix and chillin’?”

“You think Netflix would drown you out?” Alicia was not deterred as she sucked on Elyza’s neck.

“You know that’s not what I meant…” Her words wavered slightly. “But we could watch Netflix. Or just cuddle. Or I could tell you all the reasons why I love you. Or all of the above.”

_Ughhhh. Why was her girlfriend so sappy and adorable and weirdly responsible? And why was that making her even more attractive?_

Alicia knew the answer to that.

_It was because she was so fucking deeply in love with this dork._

She sighed exaggeratedly and pulled away, though her hand still rested inside her hoodie. It was warm, and her skin was soft. Elyza’s hands were resting on her waist, and she smiled sheepishly.

“I’ll owe you one tomorrow?”

“I’m not allowed to skip class, remember?” Alicia smirked, still straddling her legs.

“I’ll come over after school? Your mom and her boyfriend won’t be home, will they? Don’t they need to do job shit?”

“We’ll see. That’d be nice, though,” she sighed, slumping against her shoulder and deeply breathing in the lightly sweet and minty scent. Her brain had quickly associated that to the thought of Elyza, recognizing it instantly so she could be overwhelmed by affection for her girlfriend and melt.

Alicia was definitely melting right now, and she’d forgotten what brought her over here in the first place.

“Hey," she murmured. "Even though you’re wearing a hoodie that says Star Wars on it, you’re super hot."

“Not gonna lie, I am always for you wearing shorts and a t-shirt while laying on top of me. I am astounded by the amount of self-control we’re exhibiting,” the blonde responded just as softly into her hair.

“We don’t have to have self-control…” Alicia snuck her other hand underneath her hoodie so both of them were tracing lines and circles into her skin.

“‘licia…”

“Fine,” she pouted. Even then, she continued to press her hands against the warmth of her back, and she could feel Elyza doing the same. “I love you so much,” she murmured.

“I love you too." She nuzzled affectionately. Whenever Alicia paid close attention, she'd noticed all the little ways her thoughtful girlfriend conveyed her love. It showed in all the little actions and words and tones, and she wasn't sure if the other girl was actively aware of it, or if she was naturally great at expressing her adoration. "How long are you grounded for?”

“A week.”

“So… should I bring enough stuff to sleep over for a week?”

Alicia laughed. “Do you think you could hide from them for that long?”

“Maaaaybe. Even if I fell asleep, I’d wake up if I heard ‘em comin’...”

“What about food?”

“Feed me under the table?”

“Dork. You’re not a dog.” The brunette kissed her cheek.

“Come on, wouldn’t it be nice to just wake up and fall asleep next to each other? I know it’ll suck to not be able to hang out with the others, but at least…” Elyza shrugged lightly, not wanting to jostle Alicia.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here, Lex…”

She grinned. “Aren’t those the best kind?”

“I prefer Scrabble, myself.” She snuggled against her and hummed thoughtfully. It _would_ be nice to wake up curled against Elyza’s warmth and to her good morning kisses as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Only if you’re okay with it.”

“Are you? You’re not afraid of getting in trouble?”

“Nah. I’ll keep my door locked. I’m more afraid of _you_ getting in trouble.”

“I’d do anything to keep my baby happy and not sad,” Elyza poked her in the sides gently.

“You’re so sappy,” Alicia grinned brightly.

“Okay, but it’s working, isn’t it?” She smiled triumphantly. “I mean, this is a stupid plan.”

“Ridiculously stupid.”

“But _maybe_ it’s because I haven’t really slept in two days--”

“‘lyza…”

“--it sounds like it’ll be fun.”

“Okay, crazy. If you’re fine with it, I’m fine with it. But only if you try to sleep tonight.” Alicia sat up a little to press a kiss to Elyza’s temple.

“It’ll be easier with you around. Oh hey, that’s reason number one. My dreams aren’t so mindfucky when I sleep next to you.”

“Dork.”

“But a dork you love?” Elyza hugged her even tighter, and Alicia wasn’t entirely certain what she’d done in this life, or any other life to deserve a girlfriend who made her feel so safe and loved.

“The dork I love the most.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW SO MANY REFERENCES TO THINGS THAT I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ABOUT YET 
> 
> also i'm sorry it's not super long Q__Q these fics will be wildly different in lengths depending on what it is. for instance i imagine the one abt the mentioned ~dinner~ will be... very fucking long lmfao.
> 
> I'M WORKIN ON CHAP 6 OF COLLIDE DW FAM 
> 
> yall are super cool i hope these cute nerds made your day a little better <3


	3. it's not just you, i need this too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb babies have their first sleepover

They’d been dating a month before Alicia found out.

It’s not like she hadn’t noticed the signs before. Elyza almost always slept in class, and somehow managed to regularly turn in her homework and keep up with the curriculum. Whenever she asked her girlfriend, _“You look tired. Is everything okay?”_ she’d just shrug and grin and be her normal, outgoing self. She kept it in the back of her mind, but if Elyza said she was fine, then she’d just believe her.

It was the first time they’d be spending the night together and while Alicia was being honest about where she was staying, it was only because her mom didn’t know that Elyza was her girlfriend.

...Look, she wanted to enjoy their relationship as long as she could without being given shit about it.

And since Elyza’s mom was out of town, they had the house to themselves, which meant no one walking into the empty band room while they were making out, or being crammed in the backseat of a car!

There may or may not have been several incidents of bumping heads against windows and seats in the past several weeks. ~~Alicia joked that maybe they should start wearing helmets, and _of course_ Elyza had to take it to the next level and respond with, _“Nah, won’t need ‘em when I start fucking your brains--”_ She didn’t get to continue because Alicia punched her.~~

The night started innocently enough with them watching TV; Elyza was laying on Alicia’s lap who in turn was playing with her girlfriend’s blonde strands. Of course that lasted until the first commercial break before she sat up and kissed her.

Alicia was of two minds at that moment:

_Oh God what if she wants to have sex, I mean shit it’s been a month, but I dunno aaaaaaaaashit._

and

_She’s so hot her tongue can own my body who needs air sure as fuck isn’t me._

The latter may have won out because 1) she was seventeen, 2) they were making out on a couch and didn’t have to worry about parents/school faculty walking in on them!! 3) okay, but have you _seen_ her girlfriend?

She’d cross the sex bridge when they got there. Or not cross it. Whatever.

They were dressed simply in t-shirts and jeans, and their hands were grasping desperately onto the other with fistfuls of fabric and arms wrapped around the other.

Everything about it drove Alicia’s heart wild: the breathy sounds Elyza made when she pulled away and the muffled murmurs of pleasure when their lips were connected; the way her hand alternated from grabbing her shirt and tugging her closer, to sliding underneath the fabric and digging her fingers into her side; the way she so perfectly matched her rhythm…

Alicia began leaning Elyza downwards, but before she rested against the armrest, she pulled away, briefly leaving the brunette colder.

“Wait. How far do you want to go tonight?” she asked softly.

“Huh? Uh. Um. I. I dunno…” Her answer was purposefully vague, and her eyes darted to the side, her hands loosening their grip on Elyza.

“Hey. Hey, look at me. It’s okay. Whatever you want, alright? I’m just happy you’re here.”

Alicia just stared blankly at her for a moment, uncertain of what to say. She was always surprised when it came to the depths of her girlfriend’s thoughtfulness; it just seemed to go on forever. And despite how much she loved kissing her, the way her reassuring blue eyes just soothed all her worries made her heart beat just as fast.

“Have I ever told you how great you are?”

“Maybe. I faintly recall you singing my praises. Can you remind me?” Elyza smiled cheekily as Alicia grinned and re-connected their lips.

 

* * *

 

Alicia woke up when she’d rolled over towards the other side of the bed, expecting to cuddle into a cute, warm lump of limbs and sass that she was grateful to be dating, and instead was met with a cold bed and blankets.

Disappointment was what hit her first, but as she checked the clock Alicia figured Elyza had gotten up to use the bathroom or get a drink of water, and when she’d settle back down next to her, she’d sleepily flop onto her to show her affection.

But with each passing moment, the other girl still hadn’t returned and Alicia wasn’t sure if maybe her sense of time was messed up, but as she checked the clock one more time, fifteen minutes had passed.

She _could_ just sleep and leave it alone, but even in her haziness she knew she was clingy and wanted Elyza.

With a groan she rolled out of bed and shivered slightly. Even if she was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, the warmth of the blankets would be dearly missed.

Still half-asleep, Alicia trudged out the door and into the hallway, noting the dim lighting coming from the living room.

“Oh shit. I didn’t wake you up, did I?” Elyza looked up when the brunette stepped out of the hallway, trying to rub the sleep out of her eyes. She was sitting on the couch with a textbook in her lap and papers and more books scattered to her side.

“No… well. Kind of. You weren’t in bed,” she mumbled, only barely coherent and immediately laid on the couch to rest on her girlfriend’s shoulder. “What’re y’doing?” Alicia hummed happily when Elyza kissed the top of her head.

“Homework.”

“Why? It’s three in the morning.”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

“Mmmm… How come?”

“I just have trouble sleeping sometimes.”

“‘Sometimes’?”

“Okay, well. ...More like every night.” Even if Alicia wasn’t looking at her, she could hear the grin in Elyza’s voice.

Frowning ~~though maybe it looked more like an adorable sleepy pout~~ the younger girl sat up and looked at her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged. “Knew you’d get worried for no reason.”

“It’s not for no reason! Is everything okay?” She wrapped her arms around the other girl and rested her chin on her shoulder. “Can I help?” She rocked her back and forth lightly. “I bet Nick can hook you up with some Ambien.”

Elyza laughed. “Babe, it’s fine.” She pressed a hand to her arm. “I’m used to it. I just get weird dreams a lot and it makes it hard to sleep. S’fine, I use the time to catch up on school shit.”

“But you’re tired…” Alicia half-whined and smothered her face into her neck.

“I think out of the two of us, you’re more tired than I am.”

“No… maybe…”

“Go back to bed.” Another kiss.

“I want to be with you.” She squeezed her tighter for emphasis.

“Alright, alright… Just try to sleep, okay?”

“Mmhmm…”

Alicia closed her eyes, recognizing how Elyza carefully turned the pages so they wouldn’t rustle and barely shifted her shoulder when she reached to grab something. Occasionally she’d press another kiss into her hair, or rest her face against her head.

“Mmm… Elyza?” Alicia mumbled.

“What’s up?”

She looked at her girlfriend. “Are they scary dreams?”

“Sometimes.”

“Will you tell me about them?”

The sound of scribbling stopped, and pages rustled as she gathered them and shut the book which she dropped onto the floor. Elyza shifted so that her back was leaning against the armrest, and she held her arms out. Alicia eagerly shifted over so that she was laying against the blonde who wrapped her arms around her.

“A lot of them start with falling,” she murmured, her breaths tickling her neck. “And in a lot of them I’m trying to survive and protect a group of people, but it’s like the whole world’s against us and no matter how hard I try I can’t. It’s like there’s always something looming behind me, and I can’t shake it.”

“I’ll protect you,” Alicia mumbled sleepily, trying to hold onto consciousness as she listened to Elyza.

“Thanks baby,” her words danced with amusement.

“What else?”

“Hmm… Sometimes there’s good ones. There’s someone I care about a lot in the dream, and if it ends there I usually sleep alright. But most of the time it doesn’t.”

“What happens?” She nuzzled the crook of her neck.

“They get taken away.”

“By what?”

“Well, not everything in the dreams always happen the same, though they do repeat and mostly follow the same… story? I guess?” Elyza laughed. “Sometimes they just disappear. Sometimes that Thing I’m trying to run from gets to them first. Sometimes they die or get killed in different ways. I always try to save them, but I can’t.” Her hold tightened on Alicia.

“I’m sorry…” She peppered the side of her jaw and cheek with reassuring kisses.

“It’s okay. They’re just dreams. They freak me out, but once I wake up it’s fine.”

“Are you sure you don’t want Ambien?” Alicia’s words slurred slightly as she fought to stay awake.

“I’m sure. Thanks for being such a considerate girlfriend.”

“No… you are… best girlfriend… m’favorite ‘lyza. Always thinking ‘bout me and bein’ nice even if you’re a big dork… but my big dork…” She held onto Elyza’s arms and hugged them.

“Aw. That’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me. Well, except for that time last week when you said, and I quote, _“I’m so glad you can wear a leather jacket without looking like a jackass, even if you act like one most of the time.”_

“Yep,” Alicia murmured in agreement with herself, even as she faded into unconsciousness.

 

* * *

 

When sunlight trickled into the room, Alicia was roused out of her slumber and blinked slowly. She was laying in Elyza’s bed once more, half-covered by the blanket.

Huh. She was _pretty_ sure last night wasn’t a dream.

Turning over her heart swelled at the sight of the blonde’s peaceful sleeping face. Alicia reached forward for her hand and laced their fingers together before scooting closer. Just a moment later, she was met with blue eyes and a small smile.

“You sleep okay?” Elyza asked softly.

“Mmhmm. Did I wake you?”

“Nah. I’ve been awake for a li’l bit already. You have a cute sleeping face. Well, I mean. Your face is always cute, but I don’t get a chance to see your sleepy face often.”

“Always on your game even when it’s early as fuck.” Alicia yawned. “Thank you.”

“Mm?”

“For bringing me back to bed. I wouldn’t have minded just staying on the couch. Or was that uncomfortable for you?” She leaned forward to peck her nose.

“Nah. I just figured you’d be sore in the morning. Besides, I thought I’d give that _sleeping_ nonsense another try and I actually managed some.”

“No weird dreams?”

“Nope.” Elyza reached forward and wrapped Alicia in a big hug and pulled her closer. “Maybe you’re the only Ambien I need.”

“That’s… oddly romantic?” She scrunched up her face. “You’re a weirdo.”

“Aww, that’s the second nicest thing you’ve said to me in the past twenty four hours. Are you feelin’ alright, baby? I think you should get more sleep.” Elyza squeezed her and nuzzled her face in her hair.

“Maybe I will, if you stay like this?” Alicia murmured, more than happy to sleep in with her girlfriend curled up around her.

“Since you’re being so adorable, I think I can figure something out. Sleep well.” She kissed her temple.

_Shit. How was she supposed to ever sleep without Elyza again?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another quick fluffed up drabble b/c i was having a bad day yesterday and wanted to write something cute LOL


	4. now i wanna chase forever down with you around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> babies and their first confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started writing this before it aired b/c this was meant to be post-3x16 fluffs but LOOK AT HOW SLOW I AM. anyway then i saw [this post](http://hopelesslehane.tumblr.com/post/144638397050/) and i was like PERFECT TIMING I'M WORKING IT IN. i'm dedicating this to my bros [ruby](http://rubylipz.tumblr.com/) cuz she was my first clexa friend and her ukulele headcanon is the best, and [carter](http://carter-owen.tumblr.com/) cuz they spoil me w/ lexark headcanons and we go ham, yall are great <3

It was kind of surprising they hadn’t said those words to each other yet.

They’d started dating during the last quarter of their junior year and stayed together through the entire summer, despite any arguments they’d had, big and small ~~but mostly small~~.

It was even more surprising, because it wasn’t like Alicia didn’t think it at least twenty times when she was in Elyza’s presence, plus the other hundred times when they were apart but still texting or calling each other. _~~And that was just per day.~~_

But if she thought about it, there wasn’t a clear point where she went from thinking ‘this girl’s cool and amazing’ to ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with her, even if she drives too fast and picks out all the good pieces of trail mix.’

Of course Alicia’s affection ~~that was putting it lightly~~ started as soon as they met, but there were milestones in her mounting ~~all encompassing, soul swallowing~~ adoration.

 

* * *

 

A week after they’d officially went on their first date, they’d been sitting outside on some park benches after school. The skies were clear that day and the breeze was light, so they’d taken their homework outside. Or at least, Alicia had been doing her homework and Elyza had started off so well, but once she started doodling in the margins of her paper, she was quickly derailed and less than half an hour later she was plucking away at her ukulele.

Alicia’d barely been paying attention to Elyza’s playing, not that she took it for granted; it was relaxing and helped her focus on work. Occasionally she’d would glance up very briefly and her chest warmed at the tranquil smile on Elyza’s face as she casually played.

~~God, she was so cute.~~

Her girlfriend was a big adorable cheeseball filled with dumb and dorky jokes and overly genuine sentiments. So maybe it shouldn’t have surprised Alicia when Elyza started playing and singing a song that sounded very familiar.

“So I won't hesitate no more, no more. It cannot wait, I'm sure.” When Alicia looked up at her in half-surprise and half- _are you being serious right now?_ Elyza simply smirked back and continued playing.

Because yes, she was absolutely serious.

“There's no need to complicate. Our time is short. This is our fate, I'm yours.”

“...You’re a dork,” Alicia mumbled, pretending to focus on her much-more-important homework. ...But in actuality she was just trying not to blush and failing spectacularly, if her face burning up was any indication at all.

“Yeah, but I’m _your_ dork.” Elyza slipped over next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders before lightly kissing her rosy cheek.

“Was that something you always knew how to play, or did you learn recently?”

“I may or may not have started learning it after our date because I wanted to sing you something that would make you swoon.”

“Smooth as always, aren’t you?” Alicia didn’t dare look up. Elyza was resting her chin on her shoulder, and she knew if she looked into those bright blue eyes her heart would swell up with affection, and she’d need to express it; inevitably it’d end up with them kissing and making out.

Why was that a bad thing? She wasn’t sure. It _wasn’t_ a bad thing, she was maybe a little worried that this wasn’t normal?? Was she falling too fast? Maybe she needed to slow down a bit? What if she scared Elyza away? Oh _God_ \--the idea of that was _terrifying_.

“Like churned butter.” Elyza could barely get the words out before the two were giggling.

“You weirdo.”

“You love it.”

_She absolutely did._

 

* * *

 

A month and a half into their relationship it’d been a particularly rough day for Elyza, and Alicia immediately picked up on her girlfriend’s gloomy mood. Elyza’d been excited about her mom taking time from work and staying home for the upcoming week, but she had to cancel at the last second because of an emergency, and as hard as she tried to pretend it didn’t faze her, Elyza was disappointed.

Alicia halfheartedly took notes during class, but she was more fixated on her phone’s notifications.

**Elyza**

babe are you okay?<<

we can skip if you want<<

we’ll go wherever you want<<

whatever you want to do<<

>>i’m fine

>>it’s fine

>>pay attention to class

>>:)

Even through text, Alicia could tell Elyza was lying. It was like how she’d kept her sleeping problems a secret--for whatever reason, she didn’t want Alicia to worry, as if she wasn’t already.

you want to come over after school?<<

house is empty<<

just you and me<<

>>maybe

>>idk i’m tired

ok<<

Alicia frowned. Usually she’d jump at the chance to be alone together at one of their homes, but that wasn’t the most worrying thing. The worst thing was she didn’t know _how_ to cheer up Elyza.

During lunch she immediately picked her out of the crowd and held onto her hand. Since Elyza was moping and indifferent, Alicia made the executive decision to go somewhere private where they could have some peace. At the back half of the school were some trees they’d placed themselves at the base of, and Alicia sat behind Elyza and hugged her. Her face rested on her shoulder as she nuzzled her gently.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“It’s fine.”

Alicia bit back a sigh. _It’s not fine._ “Has she rescheduled yet?”

“Nah. Maybe in a couple days.”

“Well… I’ll spend the next week with you. I mean, I already was, but…” She held onto her hands and stroked Elyza’s fingers with her thumbs.

She quirked a half-hearted smile. “Thanks.”

Alicia’s heart fell with Elyza’s. She didn’t take it personally or anything, but she knew she was hurting and there was nothing she could do to make it better. Was it absolutely selfish that kind of depressed Alicia? The fact that she was helpless when it came to cheering up her girlfriend?

“What can I do to help?”

Elyza shook her head. “I’m fine. Sorry I’m being a little bitch about it.”

She squeezed her hands. “You’re not. I just wish I could help more.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just…” she hesitated before finishing more quietly, “...stay here.”

“Of course.”

Alicia continued to hold her tightly, because she had no idea how else she was supposed to show Elyza how much she cared.

_I’m here for you._

Throughout the rest of the day she texted her funny pictures and images of baby animals. They shared the last class, and Alicia was thankful it was a group assignment day. She cozied up besides Elyza and held her hand the entire time.

But still… _it wasn’t enough._

 

* * *

 

“Thanks.” They were currently sitting on Alicia’s bed, and Elyza had been silently resting on her shoulder.

“Hm?” She was distractedly scribbling down equations and the steps to solve them, but her mind was wandering, and she was only focused on how to cheer up her girlfriend.

“For dealing with my lame ass.”

Alicia frowned, setting down her pencil.

“I know I’m being a pain in the ass--”

“You’re not.” As much as she joked about Elyza being annoying or stupid, she never meant it. She’d _never_ mean it.

Frustration had been building up inside of her all day. Elyza was _so good_ at little silly gestures that cheered her up--whether it was through little doodles or songs or jokes; Alicia didn’t think anything she’d tried that day even came close to what Elyza did effortlessly.

“I’ve been bumming you out.”

Her hands were already in motion when Elyza began to voice her rebuttal. She swept her books and pencil off onto the floor and turned to press their lips together, Alicia’s hands clenching the front of her shirt in fistfuls.

She kissed her roughly at first, unwittingly channeling her self-irritation in her advances. But as Elyza returned the affection, she slowed down as she sucked and chewed on her lips, and her touch relaxed. Her fingers trailed up to stroke her jawline and neck.

They were both breathy and incoherently mumbling and whimpering, barely pulling away for split seconds before their tongues were entwined once more.

Alicia was a desperate mess of care and want for Elyza, and she tripped up over herself as she tried to express this. Maybe she’d be embarrassed at her overeager display if her mind wasn’t so enveloped in a warm haze of affection.

“You’re not,” she repeated again in between their kisses.

_‘I just want you to know I’m here for you no matter what,’_ would be what she said if she could process more than two syllables. Also if her tongue wasn’t so preoccupied at the moment.

One hand continued to cradle Elyza’s face while Alicia dragged the other’s fingertips down her body, occasionally pausing as she pulled at the fabric. It tugged at the hem and slid underneath briefly to brush the skin of her waist.

Alicia’s heart was pounding in her ears.

“Are you sure?” Elyza murmured when her hand slipped away from her shirt to undo her jeans. “Don’t feel pressured to do anything.”

“I don’t,” Alicia breathed. “I want this.”

_I want you. I want you to be happy and I’ll give anything for that._

 

* * *

 

Alicia didn’t always have these realizations during big, momentous occasions; a lot of times it was during the most mundane moments. They’d be sitting next to each other in silence and doing their own thing, or they’d be texting each other and no matter what conversation always came so easily. But those peaceful times are exactly what she’d want the rest of her life to be like.

Often times they’d go for drives around town after school since Elyza seemed to sleep best in cars. Sometimes Alicia wasn’t really in the mood to drive, but there was no way she could deny her a peaceful rest for a selfish reason like that. Besides, by the time they hit the road and Elyza was lulled into unconsciousness in the passenger seat, she’d fall into a rhythm and forget about everything else.

Traffic was a bitch like always, but it was worth it when Alicia glanced over to see her relaxed, sleeping face undisturbed by any recurring nightmares.

Soft music was quietly playing from the speakers; originally they’d just pick a random playlist and put it on shuffle, but when this became routine Alicia had taken the time to attentively sift through a pool of hundreds of songs to put together a “Sleepy Time Car Ride (✿◠‿◠)” playlist. (As Elyza dubbed it, since Alicia had just called it “driving playlist.” She’d only handed Elyza her phone for five seconds before it’d already been renamed into “something way less boring.” ~~Mostly Alicia wanted to know how the fuck she’d pulled up that emoticon so quickly.~~ )

It was a mix of everything from rock ballads to classical to chillstep, and if she wasn’t careful she’d fall asleep too ~~especially when traffic was at a standstill _Godfuckingdamnit._~~

Then they’d crash and die. The end.

Thankfully, that hadn’t happened yet, and Alicia would be able to spend another day with her dorky and adorable girlfriend who needed to nap in cars, rambled when she was nervous, played ukulele ~~and particularly enjoyed Nicki Minaj covers, but her favorite party trick was Through the Fire and Flames because, once again, huge dork~~ and a countless other little things she loved about her. Like whenever Elyza started rousing from her driving slumbers, she’d start to murmur along to whatever song was playing before Alicia would glance over with a smile and ask, “You sleep okay?”

“Mmhmm. You tired? We can switch.”

“It’s fine. I’m afraid you’ll fall asleep while driving,” she teased.

“That was _once_ for like, five seconds,” Elyza pouted and thunked her head against the window.

“You almost rear ended the car in front of us.”

“But I _didn’t_ , and that’s all that matters,” she declared triumphantly.

“Sure thing, baby.”

It took a few moments of easy silence before Elyza spoke up again. “Thanks for being so awesome.” Her tone was soft, and when Alicia glanced over to meet her gaze, she could see the sincerity reflected in her blue eyes.

_This is nothing. I’d do everything and more._

She swallowed, before turning her attention back onto the road. “No problem.”

Close enough.

 

* * *

 

So many moments like that were scattered throughout the past six months together, and maybe they hadn’t said those three words yet, but they’d expressed it in adoring glances and gentle teases and comfortable silences curled up against the other.

Alicia had a few theories as to why she hadn’t said it yet; idea one: maybe she was waiting for the right moment.

Everyone made light of high school romances, and she understood why--teenagers were easily caught up in their emotions in the chaos of life, and growing up, and hormones. But that was why she wanted her words to carry as much weight as they had in her heart, instead of throwing it around thoughtlessly. It wasn’t just a crush, or infatuation, or puppy love. ~~But still, it was kind of stupid she was afraid to say it aloud when she’d thought it dozens of time before. Maybe even hundreds.~~ Did the “right moment” even exist? Was the right moment not just whenever she was with Elyza? What if she did just want to tell her over and over again until the words had no meaning, because that’s what it felt like: an overwhelming adoration that followed no logic.

Idea two: maybe Alicia was afraid, which was just as silly as the former. They spent so much time together, and Elyza showed her care in every touch, whether it be her hands grazing hers in passing, or through a chaste kiss, or even when she roughly pressed Alicia into a wall or onto a bed. ~~How did she manage to be cute and also really fucking hot at the same time?~~

But still, she couldn’t know for certain if Elyza felt the same way.

Maybe her love had grown _more_ over time, but the thing was _it’d hit her like a truck from the start--_ that wasn’t normal, especially for her. With how her family grew apart after her dad died, and how Alicia started to depend on herself, she emotionally closed herself off and kept her distance with most people.

It was kind of pathetic how desperately she craved affection and love, yet was too afraid to put that part of herself out there.

So when she met Elyza, it was jarring how she was immediately smitten and had fallen in love at first sight ~~she was so gross and sappy now, look at what she’d done to Alicia.~~ Honestly? Shit was terrifying, but in the way riding your first roller coaster was terrifying. You were scared, but excited and anticipating the first drop, even if it made your stomach lurch.

Alicia was wary, but she couldn’t pull herself away from Elyza’s company. She feigned ignorance and curiosity, acting like she had no idea, but deep down she knew it was because she didn’t want to at all.

It might’ve taken her a bit of time to be aware of it, but when Alicia looked back, she realized she’d been in love the entire time.

So of course she was afraid, after all, _imagine telling that to your high school girlfriend of six months._

 

* * *

 

“I love you.”

Alicia blinked blearily at Elyza, who was smiling sheepishly.

Had she misheard? She’d been on a study bender since senior year started and was only partially coherent. Five AP classes might have been overdoing it a little, but she wanted to stay on top of her academics and might have also been working ahead in all her classes.

Fuck sleep. Her brain didn’t need rest to function. Sort of. Maybe? Wait, was she starting to hallucinate? ~~Her body was now 70% Red Bull and Monster and nothing would taste the same again.~~

“W...what? Uh. Sorry. I… Huh?” Alicia rubbed her eye with the heel of her palm. She was slumped over her desk with books and papers scattered all over the surface, and even if it was probably boring as fuck for Elyza, she’d been sitting beside her the whole time.

She lowered her eyes, and Alicia wondered if she was imagining the pink tint in her face. “I. Uh. ...I love you. Like. Y’know. As a girlfriend. I mean, obviously ‘cause we’re dating but I mean like not _just_ as a girlfriend, just. As a person. But especially as a girlfriend? Like you’re really cool, I mean how can I not love you? I liked you from the start and I was crushing pretty hard and uh. I mean, I’d been thinking it for a while now and--”

As Elyza rambled nervously, Alicia took the few moments to pull herself together despite the fog in her mind.

_Oh, shit she said it. Fuck. Oh God, she feels the same way. She loves me. Am I dreaming? Okay, don’t fuck it up. Don’t fuck it up!_

“--I love you too.”

“--ah. ...Yeah?” her flustered grin grew wider and brighter.

“Yeah. I mean,” and here was the word vomit she’d regret later after the caffeine high wore off and Elyza dumped her crazy ass. “It’s gonna sound nuts? I think I always have. It’s like… it just came so easily, y’know? It wasn’t something new that my brain wasn’t familiar with, it was just… meeting you… it just clicked into place. I love you. I couldn’t imagine ever not loving you.”

Maybe it was a good thing she was half-asleep, because the ensuing silence would’ve freaked Alicia out more if she wasn’t.

Elyza’s eyes widened in surprise, and she braced herself for the imminent heartbreak.

_“That’s really intense and I’m not ready for that, bye.”_

But instead, she was enveloped in a warmth that almost lulled her to sleep. Alicia’s face rested in the crook of her neck and she breathed deeply as she laid limply against Elyza’s steady body.

“It’s not crazy,” she murmured. “I… I can understand. Maybe we’re crazy together,” she laughed lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” was what Alicia was pretty sure she’d said in response, but her tongue was twisting up as her brain just shrugged and rolled its face on the keyboard. “I love you…”

Elyza pecked the top of her head. “Get some rest, you big nerd.”

“But I love you.”

She simply hummed and rubbed her back until Alicia peacefully drifted off.

“I know. We’ll have plenty of time for that after you sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why didn't they say it when they first banged?? idk b/c then it wouldn't have worked w/ what i was already like 500 words into lOOK MAYBE THEY JUST HAVE REALLY GREAT SELF CONTROL OK
> 
> i'm running on 5 hours of sleep and heading to alexandria for the weekend for a wedding. yall are great thx for reading have a good weekend <3

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading as always <3 comments and kudos are always appreciated ofc, and feel free to hmu @ bappykomclarkekru on tumblr. talk to me abt headcanons and shite. (sometimes i put drabbles up on there.)


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